Breakups are traumatic life moments that shape who you are and how you view the world. The longer the relationship the more influential the breakup becomes.
It changes how you view love, relationships and the opposite sex.
If you just got dumped, it’s going to be okay. It’ll take a while, but it will. So what can you do after a breakup? What are the options?
There’s really only two directions on the road in front of you, and both are quite difficult. Here’s what to do if you just got dumped.
Option #1 – Try To Move On
By far the most difficult option, and something most aren’t ready to hear. The wound is still fresh and you haven’t decided if you’ll ever enjoy music again. Yeah, it gets deep.
If, in your mind, you believe there’s no way to reconcile and the problems causing the breakup are unfix-able here’s the first steps to moving on.
Occupy Your Mind
You can literally lose days sitting on the couch in your feety pajamas, thinking about the relationship. You’ll replay memories, arguments — the good times and bad. You can’t move on if your mind is constantly replaying the past.
Do something that is a significant distraction. I’m not saying you should start up a brand new heroin addiction. You know, something constructive.
Train for a marathon, learn an instrument, take a few classes. Just give your mind something to think about other than the relationship.
Spend Time With Friends
Remember those people you’ve been neglecting for the last two years, because your significant other became your new best friend. Call those guys up. Spending time with people you care about and, more importantly, care about you can speed up the healing process.
They’ll listen to all your problems, and they probably hated who you were dating anyway. It’s a win-win.
See Also: Signs of a failing relationship
Option #2 – Attempt To Reconcile
This is for those brave souls who are ready to slap their heart on the table (again) and hope it doesn’t get stomped on (again). Deciding to move on can be liberating, and your actions and emotions are whatever you want them to be.
When you want to reconcile, it opens you up to more heartache. But sometimes you have to try. And sometimes, it’s worth every ounce of pain.
Understand The Core Issues
This goes well beyond “you need to change”. To truly resolve the issue that caused the breakup you have to get to the core problem. Once you identify the issue, you need to empathize with their point of view and try to understand why it fractured the relationship.
If you don’t know the problem, or accept why it was so important to them, a successful reconciliation will just lead to another breakup.
Take a few days, get out a pen and paper, and figure out the top three problems and why it was important to THEM. Not why it mattered to you. Try to understand their perspective.
Give Them Time
This is incredibly difficult, because you want to talk through the problems. You can’t solve anything if you aren’t in a conversation. But you need to give them space. No calls, texts, or social media.
They’ll appreciate you respecting their personal space, and makes the subsequent communication much more receptive.
Related: Habits that are making you unhappy
What You Should NOT Do
Whether you choose option 1 or 2, is a deeply personal and individual decision. All relationships and breakups are different and only you can decide which is the best choice.
There is, however, some universal breakup etiquette that applies to everyone. These are the things you should never do. Like, never ever.
Flood Their Inbox
Oh, my God. Don’t do it. If they aren’t responding to any of your messages, they don’t want to talk right now and all you’re doing is making them mad. A lot of people want to rationalize why they aren’t getting a response.
“He’s stuck in a well somewhere. Better send another 29 messages”.
No. They know exactly how many messages you’ve sent. They’re counting and they’re getting annoyed. Don’t flood them.
Don’t orchestrate a coincidence. They’ll see right through it. You don’t have to plan your life to avoid any possible chance meeting, but you know where they are and where they go.
Stalking = Bad.
Show Up Uninvited
This is what most people will do when they reach that critical stage of desperation. They won’t talk or return messages. There haven’t been any chance encounters, so you decide to show up at their house — or worse — their job.
If their co-workers label you as a needy stalker, forget it. No chance of reconciling.
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