How To Groom Your Beard Like A Total Badass

How to groom your beard

Image Credit: Drew Hays / Unsplash

At some point in every man’s life we make the journey. We decide for the first time in our life we’re going to


We imagine how badass it’s gonna look. We’re gonna look like the captain of a freaking starship. Like a commando roaming a jungle.

When our imagination and expectations aren’t met, we abandon the beard — FOREVER. Most guys only try it once, and then that’s it. Never again.

You don’t have to be genetically gifted to have a nice beard. You just have to know how to groom it, and use the right style for your personal follicle density, and jaw structure.

Here’s how to grow a beard, and keep it under control.

Know Your Role, Son

We all want that thick, solid caveman beard that looks like you just walked off a Viking war ship, but we can’t all be Vikings. And that’s okay.

A lot of guys decide in their early twenties they aren’t a “beard guy” because it isn’t Viking enough.

A good beard will contour to your specific growth pattern, and can look good as long as you accept what you have. If you don’t have super dense follicle growth and you let that bad boy grow out, it will look like a weed begging for death.

If you’re a Viking, then F you pal. Because you can do whatever you want and still look like a Greek God. If you’re a mere mortal, trim it up, keep it clean, and rock what you got.

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Let Your Beard Marinate

One of the biggest mistakes when going beard is to trim it too soon. I know, that bastard itches like a mother and you start to feel like a filthy animal. But you have to wait.

The itching only lasts a few weeks and then you’ll pass through the man gates leading to Valhalla. The basic rule is to not trim or cut anything for a full six weeks.

Let it marinate.

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Essential Grooming Items

It’s pretty funny that a beard makes you look like an uber badass, but you have to adopt a daily beauty routine and buy some hair products to make it look good.

You can try to grow and maintain a beard completely natural without any help from beard products, but I’m gonna be honest — it’s gonna look like a pile of hair crap.

You’re going to need stuff. These are the essential beard products in order of importance:

#1 – Beard Trimmer

No you can’t use the clippers you use to cut the hair on your head. Just, no. We’re not even going to talk about it. Buy the damn beard trimmer. Moving on.

#2 – Beard Brush

Another common grooming mistake is when you just use what you have to groom your man bush. Can you comb it? Yeah. Can you use the brush you use for your hair? Yeah.

But it doesn’t look alpha. It looks like you used a comb or regular brush.

To get everything growing and pointing in the same direction, at the same time, you need a special beard brush. I don’t know how many unicorns they kill to make those brushes, but they’re magical. Yes, magical.

It’s only like $8, and definitely worth every penny.

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#3 – Beard Oil

This is where the line starts to form, and you begin to question your life choices. You don’t need this stuff everyday, but there are going to be “bad beard days”. Yeah, that’s a thing. It happens.

Your choices on a bad beard day are to walk around with a face full of what looks like pubic hair, or use a few drops of beard oil to tame the beast. It’s a must on days you need to dress up.

The beard oil makes you shine, bro. You F-ing shine.

How To Groom And Trim

Once you get to the maintenance phase there’s some basic man-laws that you need to follow. Here’s the best way to trim your beard:

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