If you’re stuck in the loop of one-and-done first dates, and wondering why no one wants to love you, it may be some subtle habits that are killing the mood and your chances for a second date.
Here’s five of the most common first date mistakes most men make, and how to avoid them.
Being late is rude and inconsiderate, but it happens. Sometimes there are legitimate, out of your control reasons, for being late. Most of the time this isn’t a deal breaker. The problem only escalates if your response to being late is not appropriate.
Identify and acknowledge the inconvenience. Straight up apologize for making your date wait, and no matter what, don’t pass the blame onto something else.
See Also: 5 signs of an unhealthy relationship
Phrasing matters, especially when you’re sitting across from someone who doesn’t really know you and you only have a few hours to develop rapport. The words you choose, voice inflection, and facial expressions don’t just convey your thoughts. It frames your personality as viewed by your date.
If you use negative words or phrasing, it can give the impression you’re a negative person. Think about it from their perspective. Would you want to spend another three hours with someone, on a second date, if you know they’re going to be super negative and complain the whole time?
You Let The Conversation Die
For some guys, keeping the conversation alive for the duration of a date isn’t a big deal. And for the other 98%, trying to keep a conversation going is like pulling teeth. It’s painful, and hard to look at.
Here’s some conversation tips:
– Ask lots of questions that start with “How did you”, “What did you”, “Why did you”
– Pay attention to what they want to talk about. What gets the longest answer.
– Avoid giving them one word answers. Give them something to ask about too.
Related: What to do if you just got dumped
You Talk About Your Ex
If you were just in a relationship, you probably have some stuff you want to talk about. And you might be tempted to use it as a way to keep the conversation going, but don’t do it. No one wants to hear about how awesome or horrible your ex-girlfriend was on a first date.
It doesn’t matter if you’re trying to do it in a flattering manner either. Telling her she’s prettier, or nicer, or more successful isn’t the path you want to take. Discussing a past relationship, good or bad, has its place when you start dating someone new – but not on the first date.
Not Having A Backup Plan
Be the man with a plan. More importantly, be the man with a backup plan when stuff goes wrong. Have a second restaurant, and a second location you can go to if your primary plans don’t work out. If you have to ask, “what should we do now?” You’ll know you’re screwed.
When it comes to planning, it isn’t about how much money you spend. It’s about how much effort and thought went into your decision. She’ll know how hard you tried, and how hard you didn’t.
She’ll always know.
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